December 7, 2012


I'm going nuts. My mind is going crazy. I'm not even confused, I'm just in a whirl. I need to be distracted. Every time I sit down and I'm left with my thoughts, I think and think and think and I'm just....feeling like I'm going crazy.

And it's like, I don't feel like I need to spew out all of my feelings, and try to convince anyone of anything, I'm okay keeping it inside, and to myself, and trusting the Lord with all, but I feel CRAZY. I feel like I want to be spontaneous and just go do something to get my mind off of THIS.

Cleaning doesn't help. Watching a movie in my room doesn't help. Reading doesn't help. On this particular day, EVERYTHING is a trigger.

Literally everything.

Maybe I have mental problems. Maybe I'm clinically insane. Maybe this is what schizophrenia is like. I hope not. Maybe I believe too much. Maybe I'm believing so much today that my brain just can't handle it all.

I am a thinker. I'm an over-thinker. But I'm not even over-thinking. I'm going through everything that is real, and has actually happened. Just over and over and over again.

I'm not imagining things that COULD happen. Well, okay. That's a lie. Maybe a little bit. But...UHHGGG. It's like, I know that I'm being completely rational about my life and I know the reality of my life, and then there's THIS.

*deep exhale*

I'm fine. Thanks for asking. I'll be okay. I just need to remind myself of things, and become stoic again. I'll be fine. I'll just go back into denial and maybe my head will calm down.

I'm not a mess. I have myself together. I'm fine. I'M JUST _____ __ ____.

I didn't say that. See? You can't see what I said. Or didn't say.

BUHHHHHH. Okay. I'm done. I just need to get out this energy.  My fingers aren't typing fast enough for this.

I'm fine. I'm just over-excited about working at the Cafe. Yeah. That's it.

Yeah. Denial. That's all I need. It's fine. It's good. I'm just a regular person who makes everyone think she's a nutcase by blogging like a crazy person.

Please don't judge me. Just continue to accept me for the girl you are friends with and love for all her quirks.


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