July 31, 2012

Times like this.

It's times like this that I become very human in my mind. I want to act out in very human ways and my mind says that I don't care who I offend. I want to curse, I want to yell, I want to run away. That would be the easiest thing.

Unfortunately, I lived through second year at Mt. Zion, and second year taught me, amongst other things, that I can't do the easy thing. I have to do the right thing, and too bad for me if I don't want to. I have to, good attitude or bad. Even still, the easiest way out is never an option I can make myself act out on. The furthest I go is having an irritated, apathetic attitude. I know it's not helpful to anyone, and hopefully someday I'll mature but until then, so it goes.

 I often wish that I could read minds, but it's really not a good superpower. God can read my mind, but He knows I'm a fallible human being who is never going to be perfect until I meet Him in glory.  I'm glad He doesn't judge me and still wants to talk to me.

I stubbed my toe today. I hit it so hard that I actually started to cry - that hasn't happened in a long time. It still hurts, so I think it might be bruised.

Anyway. On a lighter note, I got a really exciting phone call today. I was expecting a call from the Starbucks in Newburyport, because today is when the manager was going to be in. I was praying that I'd hear the phone ring, because my phone is really slow sometimes, especially with phone calls and voice mail. Well, I go to check my phone, and suddenly a bunch of texts come in; notifications from Facebook. Notifications that I had already seen. There was also a voice mail. "Great," I thought to myself, "The manager might have called and I missed it! I knew that would happen. Uhhgg." So, I call my voice mail. The message is as follows:

"Hi, Hannah! This is Billy, the manager of Starbucks in Haverhill. I wanted to see if you could come in for an interview tomorrow. I'm leaving soon, but here's my cell phone number..." What?! Didn't I JUST talk to this guy yesterday? The guy who said he wasn't going to consider anyone who couldn't work Friday, Saturday AND Sunday? I figure he got the chance to actually look at my application, and thought I was awesome? I have no idea. Well, I call the number. No answer. I check the message, make sure I got it right, call again. He picks up. Sounds upbeat, happy to hear from me. We talk, he says the interview time is tomorrow at 12:30.

Me: I will..make it work!
Him: Are you sure? Because my time is very limited and I have a lot of other candidates.
Me: No, I will definitely be there!
Him: (Sounding upbeat)) Great! Thanks so much, Hannah!
Me: Thank YOU so much! I'll see you tomorrow!
Him: See you then.

Okay, ummmmm what?! What in the world just happened? I was not expecting that at all. In any way, shape or form. I mean, he clearly said no yesterday. But hey...what have I said so many times in the recent past?

That God does the unexpected. That's how He rolls. Who knows? Billy could say no. I could be the wrong person. I'm trusting the Lord because He clearly has things in perfect order and control. I'm confident in that much.

Ahh. Just talking about that lifted my mood quite a bit.

July 30, 2012

An apology.

Sorry for how hectic that previous post is. I was re-reading it and felt overwhelmed by...blahness. So, I wanted to apologize. I didn't enjoy it, which ultimately means it's not enjoyable by anyone.

Such is the curse of the artist.

Ha! Whaaaatever. Anyhow, there you go. An apology for a waste of time.

Exciting things. Kind of boring blog post.

I am looking forward to the next couple weeks. This week, I only have one other day of work at the gym. It's kinda nice to not have anything to do. Not that's freakishly busy anyway, but still. So far I haven't made complete use of the day, but..eh, I'm trying to not be so hard on myself. I'll do some Pilates.

But I'm waiting to hear back from some managers who weren't in the stores this week. Prime hiring time. And if the family I sit for is moving soon, then..hey, gotta have somewhere to go. The Haverhill store turned me down before an interview because I won't work on Sunday. Oh well. I didn't really want to work there, anyway, honestly. I'm kinda hoping for good news from Newburyport because...that's just a cute town, man.

Anyhow. VBS is next week. I'm the music leader again. More sign language. Geraldine is coming to visit next week, too! I love her! If you don't remember who she is, here's a picture of us from when I visited New York back in May:

I love this lady!

I dunno what we're gonna do. Aside from VBS. Hopefully some time can be spent in Boston, of course. But hey, we go with the flow.

Something else is happening next week, but it's a surprise (I think I've only told three people.)  I'm reallyreallyreally excited about it. Hopefully it ends up being as great as I'm expecting.

Mmm...New Brother's Night this weekend. We'll see what happens there.

Waylllll.......I don't have much to say. Just that I'm looking forward to life, I guess. Day by day, anything could happen.

Actually, I've been thinking about college a lot, lately. Not Mt. Zion, but what I want to study in the future, when I have the opportunity. I mean, what I want to do with my life is make coffee for people and make people happy. Aside from get married, etc :P  But I'm interested in a lot of other things.

I very much want to study behavioral psychology (psychology in general, really.) I love history, and theatre. It'd be great to be certified an an ASL translator. But before I do any of that, I should do my Gen Ed and finish my degree in Biblical Studies. It's around this time of life that I wish my school had been accredited. Oh well.

July 27, 2012

Happiness depends on ourselves. - Aristotle

I don't intend on going all philosophical about why I chose to use an Aristotle quote. And ultimately, it does depend on us to be happy. God gave us a free will, and we choose to be happy with what He's given us or where He's put us.

Anyhow, instead of blogging about what REALLY on my mind (because sometimes I do keep things to myself,) I'm going to think up everything that brings a smile to my face. Honestly, this was inspired by the Nutella and strawberries I'm snacking on.

In no particular order (more by train of thought):

Not John Mayer
Sunny days with a high of 75 degrees (no relation to the Relient K song. Just a fact.)
Heavy rainstorms with incredible lightning.
Climbing on rocks at the beach.
Tide pools
Driving with the windows open.
Being snuggled in a corner (not creepy, honest.)
Watching movies in the dark.
Finding ordinary things hilarious at unexpected times.
Walking around cute downtowns and popping into random shops.
Having instant connections to people, even if we never get the chance to connect again.
Sales at Old Navy that are actually sales. Not two dollar reductions.
Good movie previews.
Psychological thrillers.
Sticking with a book that starts out boring but ends up being fantastic.
The word Fantastic.
A good cup of coffee. Hot or iced. The kind that just makes everything right in the world for those moments that you're drinking it.
Sitting outside on the steps and doing nothing, regardless of weather.
The stars. Oh, how I love looking at stars.
Vincent Van Gogh.
The name James.
The name Isaac.
Watching something, a movie or play, that touches me to the point of just sitting with my hands covering my mouth, tears streaming, snot dripping, and the occassional sob.
Essentially having a good cry for a reson that is not something bad happening to me or someone I love.
Those moments when I realize, in the moment that it's happening, that God is answering a prayer or fulfilling a desire.
Finding wonderful things at Marshalls.
The idea of finishing my degree soon.
The idea of having my own coffee shop.
Brilliant villains in movies.
Christian Bale in general.
The hope of..well, getting what I want. But not as selfish as that sounds.
My blog.
The book of James.
The book of Ephesians.
The book of Philippians.
Colossians chapter 3.
The book of Romans.
The song Hey, Soul Sister by Train.
Frank Sinatra's voice. And his face. And everything about Frank Sinatra.
Attractive tall men (hey, it's just a fact.)
Boston. I love Boston so much.
The idea of getting to live in the North End one day.
Michael Jackson.
Travelling by train.
Sally Field.
The Office.
Michael Scott.
Dwight from seasons 2-5.
Coffee mugs.
My gift of intuition.
Being able to say "I told you so."
I just like being right.

So, sometimes I try to look at things from possible perspectives of other people. Usually people who don't know me well and who I don't think like me very much. I pretend I'm them, and it's totally justified.

"Why does she say so much stuff?" "Why is she talking about a man she wants to marry?" "No one cares about her stupid container of Nutella."

Yeah, well. Then I think about why I write what I do. Here on my blog and on Facebook. Well, 1) They're mine and I can do whatever I want. 2) I don't have a lot of friends. I see one girlfriend consistently, and then I have some friends out in the boondocks of New Hampshire, one I've seen more than the other, and the other I haven't seen since I was in her wedding last year. It's like we're friends because we still love each other and haven't had some major falling out.

I'm not a big phone person (ask anyone), so writing openly here or on Facebook about small, insignificant things and slightly TMI kind of things like my previous blog post, is how I can share my life with people. We may not get to talk often, but they still know what's going on with me and we can pick up where we left off as it were when we DO talk on the phone or in person. Instead of it being like, "Well...two months ago this cool thing happened...but it's not cool anymore because I've talked about it so many times."

Also, I don't care what anyone else thinks. This is who I am. I'm a fairly shy person in public settings until I find my groove. Sometimes there isn't enough time for me to find my groove. But people can get a sense of who I am instead of thinking I'm a really shy person who can't stand being social. Which is true to a point, sometimes.

Anyway. I know not everyone judges me and I know it's totally egotistical to assume I have "haters", but I also know that some people DO judge me - people who have lives and a job to go to all day five days a week, and a car to drive wherever they want and lots of friends or a spouse to hang out with all the time. I don't. So belt up.

Yes, I just went British on you.

July 25, 2012

A letter. Post-It note, really.

Dear Man Who Is Possibly In Love With Me,

I'm waiting for you to pick me up to go out for coffee. Maybe take a walk, give you a chance to realize that you're in love with me.

Til then, I'll be here. Doing my thing. Waiting and trying to stay busy. And reminding myself that God is perfect.

With affection,

This is pretty much true for me.

**To answer your question, no, this is not specific to a certain person. Everything else is legit, though. Because I see no reason why someone can't have a type of instantaneous "In Love" experience. It's biblical. Hellooo Genesis 24, folks.

July 24, 2012


Today has been really great so far. I woke up nice and early, did Pilates and went to do some work at the gym. Finished up there with enough time to chill and spend time with the Lord before getting picked up for babysitting. Now, children are napping.

I finished cleaning my room last night. It was, to say the least, really bad. So...let's just keep it at that it's now lovely and clean. Laundry is washed, bed linens are washed. Fresh start.

I think when I counted up my money that I'm saving to go to Colorado and actually figuring how much I need kinda jump-started me into...this. Whatever this attitude is that I suddenly subconciously have and am acting out on willingly. I mean...wanting to wake up at 7:30? Never have I ever. EVER.

Yet, I find that I want to. I want to wake up earlier and have an actual morning. An actual routine. I want to be sure that I can spend some time with the Lord. I'm kinda grassrooting that - not literally, but kind of. I took a bunch of devotional books that were collecting dust on my shelf and put them on my bedside table. I put my Bibles there too. And everything I read today applied to..well, where I've found myself at. Not surprisingly, that's what God does. He meets us where we're at.

By the way, if you ever thought, "I wonder if she's still running?" Well, I'm not. One day my knee just started hurting and I think between the wrong shoes (or simply becoming worn out), and not knowing how to run properly, I did something wonky. So...that's off for now. Maybe when I can't go to the gym anymore - I don't know when that day is coming.

Speaking of the gym: cute potential new trainer. That's all I need to say. Ha! I shake my head at myself.

Oh! I also put in my application to three Starbucks. I'll probably wait until tomorrow to do a follow-up call. (Please, oh please can I work there?)

Well. That's all. Just wanted to let you know I'm growing up.

July 21, 2012


I love Batman. So much. I sincerely pray that whoever I marry loves Batman too and will have Batman marathons with me. You think I'm kidding, but I'm totally serious. It's something I pray for.

Anyhow. The Dark Knight Rises. It is a Milestone Movie because it's the first movie I drove myself, alone, to go see. I'm very happy.

I love driving. It's just fun. Now, I'm just waiting for that car to appear in my driveway. Sharing a car with my busy father is going to be sad. I feel more grown up, now.

I don't have much to say. I am planning something mildly radical. Only a few people know about it. But it's RADICAL. For me, anyway. I'm not much of a daredevil. I tend to be fairly conservative and don't change very frequently.

O_O SO RAD. Okay, moving on.

Let's see...currently on my mind:

- Men
- The colors I'm wearing (teal, yellow, grey)
- My hair
- Church
- Cooking chicken
- How attractive Christian Bale is, STILL. I think he's going to handsome forever and ever.
- I need to blow my nose.
- The process of becoming an adult.
- kgnhsl;jtorihjlknfhkl;fh;jtrpsrok'p;kfgsfd;m

I'm done.

July 19, 2012

Songs are in my head all day.

Portions of them, anyway. It's like having a mix CD that's really scratched and skips.

I'm making a decision today.

If you know me at all, or have read any portion of my blog, you know that I love coffee. I have an entire philosophy about it, and all I really want to do is make coffee for people so that they can be happy.

Last year, when I got home from college, my plan was to apply at Starbucks and live happily ever after. So I applied, had one interview and then another. Then...I never heard back from them. Cold shoulder rejection. But I took it in stride and said, I'll apply again next year! I figured that they didn't hire me because I played myself too confident and too fangirly about the company. I also had no reliable ride..so, being weird and unreliable does not make for a good employee.

Well, it's been a year. Maybe a little over a year, exactly. I've grown up a bit, I've been humbled by my actual lack of coffee making skills, and I have my driver's license (!!!) I've also matured in my long range thinking when it comes to working at Starbucks because of my dream to own my own coffee shop. Last year I was ditzy and just wanted tobe a barista because it looked cool and I LOVEDSTARBUCKSSOOOOOOMUCH. Now, I want to sincerely learn how to make quality drinks, and excel. Become a manager. Climb the corporate ladder, as it were. I have a goal now, and I need to take steps to acheive it.

And I understand that a lot of people are like, "OMG Starbucks coffee is grosssss. They don't support our soldiers, they don't do this or that...blah blah blah." Okay, that's fair. But when it comes to being a commercialized brand, they're on the top of the list of Good Coffee Places. If there was a Tim Horton's around here, I might conside them because they didn't disappoint me. Indie coffee shops are super and I love hanging out in them, but they all make their drinks differently. Chain stores have a system. Something to memorize and build from. That's what I want to do. Learn and then experiment.

So anyway, today is Samantha & Hannah Go Get Coffee Day, and I think I'm going to apply again. I was wary at first because my attitude has been to go all out and be available all day every day. My babysitting schedule is different, though consistent and I worried that they couldn't work with it. But hey. That's why they ask when you're available. And I don't have to be full time right away. I can start part time and go from there.

If it doesn't work out, it's not to be. Right now, or possibly ever. I try somewhere else. The Lord knows my heart and my desires. My job is to step forward until He stops me. But He won't stop me unless I step forward.

So there.

July 16, 2012

"Our house, in the middle of our street."

As this night is progressing, that's the song that's stuck in my head. Mainly because of the words "Our house."

Of course, having some sweet brass in the background would be nice, too.

Have I mentioned how much I love the blog, Vanilla & Lace? She's the wife of the lead singer of Showbread (if you haven't heard of them, Wikipidedia describes them as "Screamo, hardcore, alternative rock,post-hardcore and metalcore." The band themselves describe their sound as "Raw Rock.") Well, however you want to describe them, they are one of my favorite bands - I have an enormous amount of respect for them and what they do - and Josh Porter's wife is a really great lady. She's only about a year or two older than me, and has definitely made status of "role model" for me. It sounds corny, but hey. We all look up to someone because there's always someone cooler than us that we want to be like. She's simply one of them.

So, check out her blog. You might like it. I go there when I feel down and out. I think it's the light colors and all the pictures that brighten my mood.

In other news, I take my drivers test tomorrow! Pray that I pass so that I can finally have my license and drive wherever I want! I want my first big thing that I do to be driving to the movie theatre and having a Superhero Back-to-Back. All by myself. Basically just being a rockstar for the night.

Also, if anyone wants to make plans with me, please do. Cuuuuuzzz...I'll be able to drive there. HECK YES FOR NOT DEPENDING ON PEOPLE FOR RIDES! WOOHOO!!

Yeah, I'm a little excited. No big deal.

In other, other news, I'm doing music for VBS again this year. I'm considering getting certified in ASL because of this past year doing music and learning some ASL along the way. It's kinda neat this year, actually. I'm going to be teaching the signs to a missions team this week that is going to Canada. And...I dunno. There's something kinda neat about your work being used on a mission trip..especially one that I'm not even going on. Anyway.

Good times. Check out Showbread and Vanilla & Lace. 

July 12, 2012

Felt like it.

See that, up there? That's my next trip, hopefully. My best Ukrainian is out in Colorado, living it up and having a great life - which I am super happy about for her. But dang! I have been REALLY missing her this past week! I tend to miss people by default when I don't get to see them or talk to them frequently, but there comes a point when I will sincerely MISS someone. Like, really wishing I could see their face in real life. Wishing I could do nothing with them, as long as it's in real life. Dead air is okay when you're actually with someone, you know? Over the phone, or even video chatting - it's just weird. Well, this time it's Anna.

Anyhow. The original plan was that I fly out to Colorado when she's done working there for a year, and we take a super wonderful road trip back home. However, situations (good ones!) may dictate that I just fly there and fly home. We'll have to see what happens :) Either way - I'm saving up my coins (and a few dollars when I can).

This is Anna and me, from...I think February when we went to the Revival services at our Bible college.

In other news...thoughts frolicking through my mind:
- The music in Adele's songs.
- My super cute yellow mug.
- My inability to stop buying bright green t-shirts.
- Roman's wedding next May (I don't think I'll ever be not super excited for him.)
- Random friendships that I've made recently.
- Curry scrambled eggs.
- Whether I should get a smoothie tonight or not.
- Where I stand on Maroon 5.
- How the guitar riff that is played throughout Relient K's "Here I Am," sounds like something eleventyseven would play.
- What happened to Caleb from 11t7? I had a huge crush on him.

Well, that's all. Just something random cuz I felt like blogging. 

July 7, 2012

Waking up and then going to sit in a coffee shop? Chyeah.

My lovely friends, Zeke and Kiaya, and their son Gideon, are off camping. I totally admire them for taking their 5-month-old baby camping. I don't think I could do it - I have enough trust issues with nature as it is, no need to bring my kids into it (I don't have kids. I'm not married. But most likely you know that already.)

Anyhow, a couple weeks ago, I was invited to A) Go camping with them or B) house sit. I've gone camping a couple times and it's not my first choice when the other option is getting to live by myself in a city with a cool downtown (I'm a sucker for cool downtowns, no lie.) SO. Since I had no major commitments to keep me from this exciting experience, I am here in Concord, sitting in Zeke and Kiaya's house. With their cat, Bramble.

I've watched some good movies, had some good coffee, and bought some fun stuff. It's a little boring since I don't know anyone here, and I haven't met any dashing strangers - probably won't at this point. I'm definitely not complaining though. The experience is not soiled by my lack of company.

It's been a fun little break. Something different, new. No profound thoughts. I am watching Rocky, though, which is a milestone.

When I first started working at the Gym, my boss made a reference to the movie Rocky and was horrified that I hasn't seen any of the films. He's asked me periodically if I've seen them yet. The closest I got to seeing them was a deal from my co-worker: Take the 5:30 am shift on Monday and he'll rent his Blu-Ray player AND flat screen TV to me.

Yeah. Okay, Dan. I said I'd do his laundry. Obviously neither happened. But then, on a whim, I searched for the movie on Netflix (it hadn't been available before) and THERE it was! I'm almost half-way in. The love story IS really sweet. Momma don't lie. And Rocky is such a good guy! A strong gentleman. The perfect "oxymoron", if you will, when it comes to men, let's be honest. AND he's Italian? C'mon. Just stop, it's not right.

I also watched a movie called "All Good Things." Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst. Based on actual events, which, I remembered, is why I wanted to watch it in the first place. It was slow and exciting at the same time (if it makes my mouth drop and cover my eyes, it's okay if it's a little slow.) Gave me a bit more respect for Kirsten Dunst, kind of how Finding Neverland gave me respect for Kate Winslet.

Mm. So, yes. I'm tired. I woke up bright and early to go to the farmer's market (bought coffee beans and peach jam), and by 2pm, I thought it was like, 4pm. My internal clock is not in sync with real time :P

See ya on the flip side.

I love movies :)

July 1, 2012

Upbeat Update.

Today was a nice day. Went to church with my parents; first time in......a really long time. And, well, it was a nice service. Nice people. Received unexpected validation for my life (mild exaggeration), and as silly as it probably is in the big picture, it still puts a big smile on my face.

I'm not always the most observant person when it comes to myself, buuuut...between chick flicks, Bible college, innumerable conversations with my mother about men and the past year - my senses are much more advanced. Of course, observation is easy, even if you aren't very skilled, when the things you're observing are really obvious.

Do with that what you will ;)

Also took a nice, solid nap this afternoon, which is totally a win. I don't usually nap on Sundays...I don't think. Then I chilled at home with Mexican leftovers and Psych. OH! Also looked at a friend's wedding pictures! Gorgeous wedding. Gorgeous people. The photographer got some, what I think are, hilarious shots of me and Geraldine. I'm not sure what made us a candid photo subject, but it might be because we were such a riotous part of our table - there was a lot of laughing that day. HA! I'm totally going to buy copies.  

So, that was my day. In other news....mmmm...Well, Friday was the longest day in the history of ever. Early work, bed at 4am. Like I had it bad, my parents didn't get home until 2 in the afternoon the next day O_O But it was good. I had a really nice conversation with a good friend, that unexpectedly resulted in answered prayer (literally, like, a year and a half of begging God to just TAKE CARE OF IT already. Being frustrated with myself and others, and living in denial and then not being denial....drama. That is now all over because God loves us.)

Saturday, I was a bum. And I liked it. Slept in nice and late, and well....did nothing of significance. Except put of curtains in my room. I really need to work in my room. Hm.

Well, that's a random snippet of my current life. Well, past weekend. OH! And THIS weekend, I'm house sitting for Zeke and Kiaya because they are my favorite. I'm excited because I'll get to live on my own for a couple days in Concord, NH, which is apparently a pretty neat town. Very much looking forward to that.