"Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't help falling in love with you..."
The last two and a half days of Tim's visit were a whirlwind. An incredible, beautiful, perfect whirlwind.
We went to church on Sunday morning, and I loved sitting next to this man that I was beginning to absolutely adore. He put his arm around me during the sermon, and it was exactly as I had imagined it would be the Sunday before. I saw us, sitting in that pew, together. It happened, and it was...perfect. I belong by his side, and he next to mine.
I don't remember exactly what the sermon was about, to be honest, but my father preached, and it was a message that I knew I needed to hear. When the time of an alter call approached, I knew three things:
1) I had a good thing in Tim.
2) I could acknowledge this, repent to God for my unbelief, and go forward with blessing.
3) I could acknowledge this, continue in my stubborn disbelief, and be in contention with God.
I knew that if I kept going forward the way that I had been, things would not go well for me. There is blessing when we believe, and trust God.
I didn't want to risk it. I wanted to be right with God. I knew that Tim was a gift, and I didn't want to ruin anything.
So, I went forward. I repented for my unbelief. I chose to trust God again. I felt new. I walked back to our pew, wiping tears from my eyes, and stood with Tim, who was misty-eyed, himself.
We left church, and headed to Maine. We held hands, and just before we reached Jill and Kate's home, Tim said this:
Him: There was something I wanted to say to you last night, but I got nervous.
Me: Tell me!
Him: I wanted to tell you that I like, like you.
Me: Awwww! I like, like you, too.
Let me set the scene of the night before, for you. Tim had been a dear, and made up my bed on the sofa for me (which he proceeded to do the following nights of his stay, and it was wicked sweet, and wonderful.) He took a shower, and I was laying in bed (read: sofa.) Before he went to bed, he leaned on the arm of the sofa, hovering over my head.
Him: What's up?
Me: (Reaches up and pats his beard.)
Him: Well, good night.
HA. Oh, my gosh. We still get a kick out of this whenever we talk about, because it was so random and hilarious! I didn't know what he was doing, and he didn't know what I was doing, and whatever it was was cute, and awkward, and when he closed the door to my room, and snuggled under my blanket, and smiled to myself thinking, "He likes me."
It was adorable, guys, okay?
Back to Sunday.
We spent the afternoon with Jill, and Kate, who, as always, were lovely hosts. Tim enjoyed being with them, and I'm thankful that they are in our lives. At one point, Tim was talking to Kate in the kitchen, and my mother and Auntie Jill wanted to know if anything had happened. So we grabbed dad, and all went outside to "look at the flowers," so that I could tell them about what happened in the car. I told dad that he should probably be prepared to have a more serious dad talk with Tim, because we were definitely on the verge of being in a relationship.
When Tim and I left the house, my dad's last words to him were, "We'll talk tonight." Not ominous at all.
We stopped by Starbucks so that he could meet some friends, and then went home. We had planned on going to the beach to look at the stars, so we pretty much just hung out until dark. We didn't leave before talking as a group with my parents, though.
Dad came home from the prison, and we all sat in the living room, and talked. We had an open conversation about courtship, about certain expectations, and basically got the green light to be together.
The best part of that talk was when Tim and I mutually expressed that we never thought we would find anyone like each other. Both of us had really given up, and neither of us know where we would be now if that week hadn't happened when it did.
Family talk was a success! Tim and I went off for a late night drive to the beach to look at the stars. We got a little lost, made ourselves Facebook official, and when we finally found the beach, discovered that it was a little cloudy, and really chilly. The blanket we brought with us was barely warm enough.
We huddled close together, sitting in a lovely state of bliss, talking...shivering...kissing. It was great. The best part is that we got kicked off the beach by a police officer, and our romance officially became like a Hollywood rom-com. We still laugh about it, and probably will for the rest of our lives.
We made our way home, and tried watching a movie - we watched a lot of movies. I believe it was Sunday night...no, maybe Saturday night...that we stayed up till sunrise. No, it must have been Sunday. Either way. We were up til sunrise at some point. It was romantic, okay?
Monday was a rainy day, we took a road trip to Rhode Island to visit a family friend of Tim's. They are a lovely couple, and I loved meeting them. We had a really nice time together. On the way there, and on the way home, Tim slept a while each way. All I could do was keep myself from crying out of gratitude to God. I had a man dozing on my shoulder who was everything I had dreamed of. Who wanted to be with me, and thought I was fantastic just for who I was. I didn't deserve that! I didn't deserve anything. But I was blessed. And I was overwhelmed.
Monday night, though...that fateful night. Tim and I drove to Haverhill to pick up pizza. He had his arms wrapped around me as I drove, and we talked. I was sharing my heart with him about the place I had been in, about how he was everything that I had given up on. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I cry, okay? I felt Tim rub his face on my shoulder, after he had handed me a tissue, and he said something to imply that he was crying.
The actual timetable of the following moments is jumbled, because we were both feeling a lot of feelings.
He told me that he loved me.
I took a deep breath. I smiled, I shook my head in happy disbelief. More tears.
I asked him if he really loved me. He said he did.
I remembered what I had been told in my spirit on Thursday...to take him at his word.
And I knew I loved him, too. I knew that I would never find anyone else like him.
So I told him that I loved him.
And we cried.
The tissues are still in my car.
Before he went inside to get the pizza, he wrapped his arms around me. And I did what I only know how to do, now...I was honest, and straight forward.
"I only know how to just say things," I said. "But you should probably propose sooner than later. Talk to my dad about this."
He didn't disagree. We went home. The pizza made all of us feel gross.
Dad said his good nights, and I gave Tim a nudge to talk to him about what had happened. He stood up, about to do it, looked at me, I gave him a "you can do it" wink, and then he sat down. I can't blame him. It's a terrifying thing to bring up to the father of the woman you love. I told him that he didn't have to do it now if he felt it wasn't time, but encouraged him to not be nervous.
And like the incredible man that he is, he stood up, and went to talk to my dad. I don't know what they said to each other, but I told my mom what had happened. Tim and my father emerged from the room. I don't quite remember what happened.
I know that Tim and I cuddled on the sofa watching a movie for the rest of the night. And long after the movie ended. We didn't want the night to end. He was leaving the next day. It was awful. But we were in love. We are in love.
Tuesday came. We reluctantly parted ways. I watched Tim walk into the airport, and he kept turning back to look at me (I told you, it's like a movie, for real.)
So, now, we talk every day. In the late hours of the night, or the wee hours of the morning. Our record so far is six hours of video chatting until about 5 or so in the morning. SIX HOURS. And we probably coud have kept going, but geez, I guess we should get sleep?
It's amazing, guys. God is so faithful. He has been so faithful to us. We both know that this is nothing except a work of God, honestly. It's too crazy to not be God.
So, I'm thankful. And incandescently happy. I've found my true soulmate. The one my soul loves. I had a rocky journey to find him, but it happened. I can't wait to see what our future together holds.
The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does.
The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy.
My mouth will spesk in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise His holy name for ever and ever.