July 10, 2015

I can't help falling in love - Part Three

So, Tim is in Massachusetts. I forgot to mention a nice thing in the previous post from the night we sat in the apartment, talking. I asked him how he felt so far, and he said that he felt at home with my parents. Which was really neat. Onward.

Both of us will tell you, the first couple of days were awkward. He was quiet, I was awkward, and insecure, and a little crazy.

The day in Boston was long, and hot, and misguided, as most Boston adventures with me are. Tim was a good sport about it all, and frankly, all I could do was observe him and see what a great person he was.

He really has like, no flaws, guys. Anyway.

We dropped Sam off at her house, and headed to mine after a long day. We were tired. All I could think about was if this guy even liked me - just as a person, let alone romantically! So, I asked him. In the exuberant, exasperated way that I do, sometimes. "Do you even like me?! Are you still glad you came?!"

I knew I shouldn't have acted that way, but gosh, the guy was so hard to read! Throughout the day, I'd ask if he was having a nice time, and just got a "Yeah."

HOW CAN I WORK WITH THAT? I was still kinda nervous. Or a lot nervous. We both knew that just needed to break the ice.

He said that he wanted to spend more time with me, just us. So that he could get a better feel of how we are together. Totally legit. We got back to the house, and pretty much just went to bed.

THURSDAY. Thursday was a turning point for me. Tim, God bless him, chose to come with me to work. I was working a seven-hour day, and he was able to keep himself busy, but the poor guy - he was bored out of his mind. I felt so bad. He walked around Newburyport a little bit, found a neat antique shop. He laid in the grass by the boardwalk. He was tired, and I couldn't blame him. I felt terrible.

However, I had a really interesting encounter with the Holy Spirit that day. As I was working, and watching Tim from behind my espresso machine, talking to God about it all, I heard this still, small voice say to me:

"Hannah, take him at his word. Don't make assumptions. You have no reason to not believe what he says. Keep being yourself, and make him feel comfortable."

My attitude was based out of fear from the past, where I had learned to be manipulative, and that I was always bound to be manipulated. I had to read into things, I had to find hidden meanings...that's what I was used to. But I knew that this was sound. So I changed. I knew that if I kept doubting, and questioning, I would push him away. I didn't want to do that.

Tim got meet my Aunts that day, and we went out to a late lunch after work. As the meal was ending, I thanked him for paying.

"Of course," he said. "Why wouldn't I? I'm here for you." We looked at each other, and smiled. And I knew it was going to be okay.

We saw "Jurassic World" that night, and agreed to go with my parents the night night to help them with a New Brothers event.

FRIDAY NIGHT. Friday night is when I knew he was perfect. I'll just say it. I knew.

Prison Ministry events aren't the norm. Especially when you drag a poor guy along, who is out of his element. None of us would have been surprised or upset if Tim had just sat somewhere out of the way, and been on his phone the whole time.

But he didn't. Before we even left the house, and were getting ready, he was helpful. He jumped in. He did whatever he was asked to do, and then some. If he saw something to do, he did it. He was friendly to the guys at the house, he shook their hands, and handed out sodas gladly. He enjoyed listening to the people who spoke. He helped clean up. He was amazing. My parents and I noticed. I went to my mother and said that he was amazing. I didn't even realize how important it was that he was willing to serve until that night, and I saw him. I still can't believe it. I can, because he's absolutely wonderful, but I still shake my head.

That night, we ended up driving around, listening to music, and talking. We ended up across from Plum Island, at a dead end. We turned around, and went to Denny's to get some food.

We had a great time. We laughed a lot. We talked. It was great. And I can't confirm or deny it, but it was either Friday night, or Saturday that I held his hand for the first time. I couldn't wait any longer, okay? I really liked him. It was probably Saturday. No! It WAS definitely Saturday. For the following reason...

Friday night, when we got home, we watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." We watched it in my room, on his laptop. Sitting close together on my bed. The only way that this awkward position could be remotely comfortable was if one of us put our arm around the other. So I put my arm around him. After a while, he asked if I wanted to trade arms, and he put his arm around me. And its was great. And we laughed like idiots, because Monty Python is brilliant.

Saturday, we went to see an outdoor theatre at the state park in Newburyport. We both really enjoyed it, and he said the words "I like plays," and I probably swooned. I'm not gonna lie. We just chilled for the rest of the day. We sat on the sofa after getting back from the park, and talked about where we were at, how we felt.

He said that he really enjoyed my company. I told him that I really liked him. He said he really liked me too. It was adorable, and he was getting more comfortable putting his arm around me, and holding my hand, etc. We went out for hibachi that night, came home, and watched The Sixth Sense. He knew that I had tried watching it again recently, but couldn't finish because it was freaking me out. He promised to make me feel safe, and that he did. We had a great time.

Cuddling is great, guys. Now, I know.

I thought that this would be the last one, but Sunday through when Tim left really do need their own blog post. So...

To Be Continued...

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