February 26, 2012

That awkward moment when you can't think of anything clever to say.

Story of my life! I swear, I'm not socially awkward, or a complete introvert.

I'm the girl who asked a stranger for a drive across the high way on shopping day at school. I'm the girl who dressed up as a pirate for three years and didn't care what anyone thought (I actually enjoyed the attention, secretly.) I'm the girl who spins in circles using her GPS to figure out where to go in Boston. I'm the girl who will skip down the sidewalk if I feel like it. I'm the girl who made this video to Adam Stage.

So...why can't I make simple, normal conversation? What's my deal?

A wise man told me a few years ago, "Being shy is actually a form of selfishness," as I stood against a pole at youth group, watching kids play air hockey, chat, whatever. I was legitimately convicted by this, and since then, it comes back to my head and sometimes I can move out of my shell...other times I say to myself, "Yeah, I know, but...it's just hard!"

I cover this with the guise of, "Once people get to know me..." but geeeez, how the heck will anyone know how awesome I am if I make them do all the work? (Please know, the early part of that statement was said with a false ego and much humility.)

My fear is this: poor small talk and seeming uninteresting. I like knowing people. Unfortunately, I just got home from a college that makes you wear your heart on your sleeve, even to people who never talk to. Seriously, a girl in my class could see into my soul and I never talked to her.

So, I've gotten used to...quick deep friendships, I guess. That's just not how it works out here, though. I know that. Yet, somehow, I'm just...not conditioned for getting to know people like a regular person :P In college, we all were going through similar things, it was obvious, we had the same schedules, same classes, teachers, etc. So..you didn't have to ask a lot of questions to get to know people. Their life was the same as yours.

I wish I could invite everyone I want to be better friends with over for a game night and just play Apples to Apples until I know exactly who people are (that game is very insightful.)

It'll be okay. Every opportunity is a learning experience, and hopefully I don't run out of opportunities!

I also realize that I didn't come up with much of an answer for myself, but I'm famous for insightful ramblings.

February 15, 2012

These are a few of my favorite things...

There are a few things that I just love. I mean, you can like all kinds of stuff, but there is that handful that puts me in the happiest mood:

1) Baby/toddler clothes. I adore looking at (and buying) children's clothing. Kids clothing is okay, but two years an under just...it's got my heart, that's all! One of my girlfriends from high school (she is wonderful for a million reasons) just had a baby boy. I'm sure he's amazing but I have yet to meet him. Until then, every time we go out to Target or something, I HAVE to go to the baby clothes section because I might just find something perfect (which I did in PA last week..) I find myself walking around the section just oohing and awwing over everything. Especially boy clothes..especially. I leave the area grinning like a fool because either everything I saw was adorable or I'm just happy that people are having babies (my cousin also had a little girl who is also amazing.) Having an excuse to buy baby clothes is wonderful.

2) Little reality checks that remind me my I've made certain decisions. Particularly in recent days concerning people. I can find myself almost falling for the mask of charm or words...then the Lord quickly allows me to see people for what they really are so that I don't let my guard down (walls are important if you use them wisely.)

3) Reese's shapes. I have come to the conclusion that Reese's Cups do not compare to the seasonal shapes. The chocolate/peanut butter ratio is just...incomparable. <3

4) Kittens - I love them!! Kitten videos, the animal adoption commercials when the kittens talk and say things like, "I just want a home"..AH! I love them. I see that commercial and I'm like, "I WILL ADOPT THEM ALL!!!" But really, kittens are wonderful. And soft. And they mew. Not meow, mew. Awwwww!

5) Baby giggles. Pretty self-explanatory.

What makes you smile? When you see something, or think of something, what is it that can just brighten your life at that moment in time?

February 14, 2012

“The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.” - Ben Stein

It's my birthday today (thank you, thank you.) I turn 21 (technically at 9:21 pm..I'm a nerd.) I am all for new beginnings, fresh starts, blank pages...every cliche for...whatever. Anyway, that quote from Mr. Stein - I just found it on ThinkExist and I like it.

"Decide what you want." So many people don't do that. Or they think they are, but they never pursue what they want. They just talk about it (I am guilty of this.) No more, though. It's a new year, in two ways (yes, it's still a new year, even though it's the middle of February.)

I have decided what I want and it's time to put my plans in the Lord's hands and take the steps that I know are necessary and up to me to fulfill them. And ya know, I'm okay with baby steps. I have big ideas, and my tendency has been to shoot for the big right away, not..work my way there. (Hence why I don't play clarinet anymore.)

I mentioned that I want a coffee shop. I really do, and that's it. That's my goal. I have a plan, simple as it may be, but a plan none-the-less. It's workable. It's possible. I'm excited about it :)

SO - 21. What do I hope to have accomplished by the time I turn 22?

...We'll see what God has planned.

Happy Valentine's Day!

February 11, 2012

Photography 365 - February

Well, here's the first for February's 365. I promise it'll be up to date soon!

February 1: Your View. My view of me. I was babysitting this day.

Ketchup. It's like catch up, only tastier.

Hello, hello, hello!

First off, Photography 365, Month of January CATCH UP. I just took pictures like a mad woman to just get it DONE. I'll work on February tomorrow.

So, without further ado, I present to you January 23rd-29th.

Hoooooo. Okay. In order:
Day 23: Something Old. These are..Puka? beads from my Aunt Jill. They're from Hawaii (my mom and her famil lived in Hawaii for a whle when they were litle. So..they'e old!)
Day 24: Guilty Pleasure. The Beatles. I love them and I can't listen to them long because I get a pounding headache.
Day 25: Something You Made. I made this Salvation bracelet at VBS this year. Or a couple years ago...I did not make the piggy bank :)
Day 26: Color. This is probably the most colorful place in my room. The box used to hold all my mail from school. The car belongs to Bob from Light of the World (Geri and I stole them as ransom to get him to come to graduation. Didn't work!) the Panda is a friendship gift with a girlfriend from school. A guy in my class, Roman, stole it and colored in over in sharpie. In vain I tried to clean it and now it's purple.
Day 27: Lunch. This wasn't my lunch that day, but I've eaten almonds for lunch.
Day 28: Light.
Day 29: Nature. From my train trip.
Day 30: You, again. This picture IS from the 30th. I got my hair cut that day and the stylist straightened it for me. I haven't had straight hair in years!

*takes a breath* Okay! Now, for the rest of my life. I got back from a trip to my old Bible college, now called Summit International School of Ministry. Lemme tell ya! That place is DIFFERENT. They get free milk, can listen to music when they work out, can sit with boys in church, wear colored blouses, all kinds of crazy stuff ;)

Well, this trip was wonderful. I went for the Revival services and well. I got revived. Personally, the morning services, by Pastor Tim, were the ones that I felt more connected to. Which, I realized, is okay. You really don't have to receive from everything. It may not be meant for you, bu you can still be fed by it. Don't leave bitter because it wasn't profound...leave satisfied because the Spirit has filled you!

I saw friends, was able to encourage and be encouraged, laugh, have honest conversations, and just relax. I mean, my life isn't as insane as others, I know, but still. The brain needs a rest, and I was blessed with the opportunity.

Siiiiiiigh :)

February 4, 2012

Happiness in a Cup

Yeah, I haven't done diddly on here in a long time. I don't even have new pictures for the 365 to catch up :P

Well, here's the status on me:

I'm going to Pennsylvania next week. In three days, to be exact. I'm staying in a hotel with three girls from my class. Needless to say, we are very excited - to see each other and to go visit our school. We're going specifically for Revival Services. It' something the school started last year...it's shorter this year, but I think that could be a good thing.

All I know is that I need it. When it comes to my walk with the Lord, I'm lacking. I'm not good at keeping up devotions and..other things. I know that going to these services isn't the magical elixir for renewed spirituality, but it will help. I mean, it's really gotten serious. And I know it. I knew it a long time ago. "Well, why didn't you fix it, stupid?" Yea, I know. Don't bother asking.

Anyway, that's the highlight of my upcoming week. highlight of my weekend so far would be last night at the NBF Fellowship night. The service was really good and I had a lot of fun with the guys (yes, I was hanging out with men from prison. Oh em gee. But literally, guys got to come from the facility. It's really cool that they can do that.)

ALSO I decided that I want a coffee shop. My own. I want to make coffee for people. I do not want to work at Starbucks anymore. Too mainstream (ha, I'm such a hipster. not really but maybe a little.)

I'm planning it on Pinterest. Saving ideas and rental spaces and coffee beans and roasting ideas. It's gonna be good. My name idea is Happiness in a Cup. Or Mug. Because I'd always say that about my coffee at college. Or something along those lines.