June 15, 2012

Unexpected. That's how God rolls.

I'm a Christian. I believe in God, and I try to honor and obey Him every day. I believe He has a plan for our lives and if we desire to live out that plan, we will. God has perfect timing for everything that happens in our life, and He is 100% worthy of our trust.

Now, if you grow up as a believer, you say all this stuff out of subconcious duty. However, at some point, if we let Him, God will make Himself real to us in undeniable ways. Sometimes it's a big, incredible thing like showing Himself in a dream, or raising someone from the dead - things that have no explanation aside from God. Other times it's in little everyday things - things that are easily written off as coincidence or good luck.

Now, I'm not looking for a theological argument - I've had enough of those over the internet to know that....well, it just ends up being a waste of time for everyone. Especially when people are just trying to pick a fight or force their beliefs on others (I literally know this from a lot of experience.) So, I'm not trying to do that. I'm just typing what's on my heart, like I do every time.

If you've read my blog at all, you'll know it's been a long year and I don't need to overkill this fact.

In this midst of this long year, I've put myself in situations that I wanted to get out of, and I've found myself in situations that I had no idea what the heck to do, and I've found myself in situations simply out of my control.

I put these things in plural form, but really it's one thing in each category. Anyhow.

First off, my insurance. I grew up and got taken off of my parents plan and had to go my own way. In my procrastination, I ended up being randomly signed up with some health care that...I now think is run by beavers. I get a doctor, make appointments, etc. Love the Nurse Practitioner. She was great, the people that worked there were so nice, and it's all in Newburyport, within walking distance from a cute little downtown. What a fantastic set up! Get a check up, get a coffee. Hollaaa. And it's on the ocean, so it's just beautiful by design.

Well. A few weeks later, I get a bill in the mail. "What the?!" was my reaction. Turned out that my doctor didn't take my insurance, though the insurance said otherwise. I was totally played and had this two hundred something bill I couldn't pay! Great. Well, I continued to procrastinate. Got a packet in the mail telling me I could switch insurance plans. Cool! Procrastinate. Then, yesterday, I found myself with nothing to do and decided - okay. I'm going to do this!

Switched my plan with ease. Talked to the billing lady at my doctor's office and found out they took the new plan AND that she talked to the old plan and they wrote off my bill! yay! No bills, and I still have my great doctor's office.

Then there's my license. I have tried to get a test for a long time. Granted, I wasn't the MOST proactive about calling the DMV but I tried. Then, one morning, I happen to be up pretty early, before the DMV was even open. I asked my mom if she could call them for me (I was going to be at work). She instead goes online and checks it out. There's a test available. And it's only thirty minutes away.

Finally, I tend to find myself in situations I want to move on from, but I can't because of politics etc. It came to a point where I was like, "Can't do this much longer. Lord, PLEASE take care of this. Open a door, give the the right moment and the right words to say..........Well, He did. Completely unexpected (In fact, most of these things were unexpected..) Completely bizarre, but...it happened. And it isn't completed, I don't think, but it's settled. And I'm at peace.

I like being at peace. I say all this to say that yes, maybe if I wasn't a procrastinator and if I was a more forward person who had no feelings these things could have gone a lot fast. But I'm not. Things have to be done the right way and a lot of times I don't know what the right way is. But God does. And He works it out.

I like that.

June 13, 2012

"If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done."

I don't know who officially said that, so I wont give false credit. Multiple people have said it.

And it's true. The only way for new things to happen is if something changes.

And today, my change was going for a jog. I've never been an athletic person. My parents are a theatre director and a saxophone player. Granted, they both love tennis, but I'm clearly not going to the U.S. Open anytime soon.

My weight has always been a struggle for me. Ha! I could put that in quotes, it's been said so many times by EVERYONE in the world, practically. My last year in college I was very motivated and lost what was, to me, a significant amount of weight. I came home and a girlfriend of mine said, "You're skinny!" I was definitely more confident about how I looked, and all was well.  But then...I was home for a while.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't hate living at home. Yeah, it'd be neat to go on my own, but..it's not practical by any stretch of the imagination. Not right now.

Anyway, off topic. The point is, between stress, lack of a structure in my schedule and plain ol' laziness...I gained all of my weight back, and then some. Needless to say, it has been really discouraging at times. Perhaps you're thinking, "But Hannah, what about that free gym membership?" Yeah, well. One, working out is only half the battle. Two, aside from the gym, I'm not very active so with not enough activity plus not enough food discipline....there you go.

What's crazy to me is that I know better. I've read enough magazine articles and done enough Jane Fonda workouts to know what to do. Craziness. Moving on.

In life, I've always wanted to be a runner. At least a jogger. I feel like the words, "I'm going for a run" is a confidence booster all in itself, as well as the run. What held me back? My ego. I have always thought that to be a runner, I should be fit first. So I don't look like a fat loser slowly making her way down the street.

Well, I realized several things:

1) We're in an era of everyone wanting to be healthier. Especially as adults. Plus, I feel like it's less common for adults to judge adults that are chubby and running than with kids...or I was just REALLY insecure as a kid. Probably the latter...

2) Even if I DID wait until I was fit, I'd still be slow because it takes time to build up endurance. I can "run" on an elliptical all I want, but it's not the same. I could definitely tell a difference.

3) No one cares about who I am! Geez, it's such an ego thing, thinking that everyone is watching me and judging me because I'm not a great runner. Wrongo! I'm just a girl running through town. Who cares if I stop after 45 seconds? No one, really.

The Point is: TONIGHT I decided to get over myself and go for a run. And I did. And I had to stop every once in a while because I was breathing really hard and walk for a bit. But...isn't that better for burning fat, anyway? Your heart rate going up and down? So there you go!

My hope is to go for a jog/run every night. For about thirty minutes. No big deal. It goes by fast. And by the end, I feel like I worked out. I feel good.

Shout out to my girl Geraldine for inspiring me! (Unwittingly. But I was thinking about her and how she would just go for a run. Pulled on her baggy sweats, stuck a hoodie on and just ran. Didn't care about what was going on around her, just cared about being healthy.

She's coming to visit in August! Yay!

June 12, 2012

Living in a big picture day by day.

I have decided that I like Jack Johnson's music.

Aside from that, I've been thinking about my hopes and dreams. About the looks people give me when I tell them all I want to do is make coffee for people. No, I really don't want to work in a dumb office building doing something I hate.

I want to learn how to make good coffee so that people can have a better life. Me making thousands of dollars doesn't make Joe Shmo's day a little brighter does it? No. A cup of coffee and a place to relax in for however long he wants will. Me making thousands of dollars won't help the kids in my town to choose not to go to the bar on Friday nights, but a place that stays open late on weekends that has standards but also a relaxed atmosphere might.

Okay, so maybe my calling is to be a youth leader. I've always had a heart for the in-between crowd and I always get upset when I see churches jacking up their teenagers.

It's up in the air, but here's the thing.

I always feel comforted when I can sit and hold a cup of coffee. I know dozens of people who feel the same way. Or tea, if that's how you roll. Sometimes people just need a chance to leave the world outside and sit inside and relax. For as long as they need to. With 25 cent refills. And that place just isn't readily available to everyone. Especially not in my town. Almost every day I wish I had a place to just GO. A place to walk off to because I knew it would be open and ready to make me feel better. But does Georgetown have that? No. So I sit on the steps until I get bored. LAME.

People relax with each other when they enjoy coffee together - in a good way. Not in a ultimately body-destryoing way like over booze.

At night we'd have decaf available, and on weekends there would be free treats.

The past year has been really hard. For me, for my family, for my friends. We all wanted, at some point, a place to run away to. Maybe not specifically a coffee shop in every scenario, but still. Life is hard. As people with feelings and needs, we deserve a place to chill. that we can go to any time. To recharge. Refill, if you would.

I want to do that for people. I want to serve others so that they can have a few minutes, or even a couple hours of peace.

It takes time. I know that. So be it. And stop judging me when I say that I want to make coffee for people.