Disappointment.

Today was an annoying day.

I woke up early to go babysit in Amesbury. I pull in right on time, and see no cars...what? Did I miss the memo? Since when do homeschoolers care about MLK Day? I try calling the leader, her phone is down. I leave, and come home. Annoyed, and disappointed. This babysitting gig is my one source of income - thirty dollars. When I was originally offered the job, I almost said no because I thought I was going to be working at CBD. Obviously that fell through, and I'm thankful for what I can get.

I go out to run errands with dad, and I'm worried that I'm going to be late for my hair appointment.  I was annoyed. I got to the salon, and find out that I'm scheduled for NEXT Monday. Okay..

So, I mean, I know that other people are off way worse than I am, but it's just been a genuinely annoying day. Nothing very exciting happened, I have eight dollars to my name, and with all the wasted driving, my gas tank is just getting lower and lower.

I know it could be worse, and I'm sorry for complaining. It's just disappointing. It's disappointing to keep bumping into closed doors, and being left hanging with job applications. No one is hiring. I know that the Lord will open a door when it's the right time, but in the spirit of being proactive, it's just a lot of rejection. I know that I don't have anything to offer. I know that I DO have things to offer, but let's face it, in the real world it doesn't matter.

Last week, I was talking with one of the moms at the homeschool group I babysit for. I was like, "You hear about problems in the country, but for me, I never think that any of it will really reach me...it's a big country, you know? I'm a really small part of America." And yet, I'm one of those young people that they talk about on the news. Someone who went to college, came home anticipating work, and getting nothing and nowhere.

I don't know..it's just one of those things that you can't connect with until you're forced to. Like people having sex before they get married. "No one REALLY does that......no, actually, almost everyone does."Or, "I'm sure that it's scary to know someone who has cancer. Oh..my mom has cancer? Wait.." Like, you hear about it happening with everyone else, but forget that the world is really small, and it's going to affect you too.

Anyway. So, I'm a little down today. Feeling like I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and sleep away my problems. Unfortunately, I have an early, and busy day tomorrow. I won't be able to sleep away the world until Thursday.

Well, that's all I guess.