January 14, 2013

Annoyed. Or something.

I'm not sure what's up with me. I'm all out of wack for some reason. I feel...annoyed? Melancholy? Agitated? I'm really not sure. I'm sure I'll be fine once I fall asleep and then wake up tomorrow.

You know, I honestly think it might be my outfit. I opted to wear my old black Converse, jeans, and a bulky hoodie. An outfit straight from high school. My hair is pulled back in a bun, and I literally look like I just got back from Agape. I didn't want to look really nice for some reason. I was looking at myself in the mirror and said to myself, "Hannah, you really need to figure out who you are." True story. I enjoy bulky sweatshirts. However, in this particular outfit, I associated it with how awkward and uncomfortable with myself I was for so long. I hid under sweatshirts. I typically just wear them for warmth, as workout clothes, or to feel cozy now. This wasn't the case for many years.

Maybe that's the problem. It's psychological. I figured as much.

DLKDFLKNDFGLKNDFGKLFLKNDFGKLNDFKLnFB. Don't mind me as I feel like I've been thrown in a washing machine, and yet am still trying to walk straight through each day like I know what's going or, or what I'm doing, or where I'm going.

I was talking with one of the trainers the other day about work, or lack thereof. How I wish that I could get a job so that I feel like I'm doing something with my life, so thatI have something to simply just DO. He agreed with the sentiment, but then pointed out the simple fact that having a job tends to make you wish that you could do something with your life.

We settled the chit chat with the simple fact that life is life, and it would be so easy if we could only make things work out the way we want. And yet, we are held back.

I'm trying to balance trusting the Lord with not being lazy about finding work.

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