Well, anyhow. My mom and I just finished doing some cleaning and organizing on the porch. During that time, we had the distinct pleasure of talking about boys. Really, we were talking about men because...technically, I'm a woman, not a girl, and I'm attracted to men, not boys.
Anyway, The question here is: When am I going to get married? Or at least be directly pursued with the intention of marriage?
Well, honestly, I don't know. Here's what I do know,which is what I told my mother.
I do know that when I get my act together, God will bring together the act which is my love life. I know where I'm at spiritually, and it's not where I could and should be. And the reason for that is simply because I lack discipline. It's embarrassing, honestly. Like, I feel a literal shame at how lacking I am when I know HOW to get where I should be.
But I'm telling you anyway, because it's good to tell people things like this. It keeps us accountable to a point..even if someone doesn't come check up on me, I can remind myself that I've put myself on blast about my spiritual lack. Of course, I can also talk myself out of what I know I should do. Which is what I tend to do. I talk myself out of things that I know Ican accomplish, that I know how to accomplish, and that I know are good for me.
It's pretty twisty. Ultimately, it stems from immaturity. Which is fine, to a point. It's not really fine anymore, though. I'm mature, but I'm not really. And if I want to make it as a quality adult, I need to shape up.
Is it bad if I say that it would help if I had a more serious job? Just saying. (Dear Jackie from Newburyport, please call me back and hire me. Thanks.)
ifglkjnfkjnfd. So, one time, I unintentionally turned someone against me by doing nothing except being myself. And possibly having luxurious curly locks (it's really my one vanity, and even then I'm not being too serious. Don't judge me.)
Did you know I almost cut all my hair off? I was going to do it the week Geri came to visit. I ended up having to cancel my appointment because I had no money, and as super spiritual as it sounds, I think it's the Lord that I ended up not doing it. I would have regretted it. Especially after disliking my hair for so long. I associate short hair on me with a really geeky faux-rockstar period of my life. I donated it all to Locks of Love, and the lady who cut it didn't really style it. She just kinda chopped it off and left me looking like this:
I know, right? It's not THAT bad, but it's not that good, either.
So, I tried to tell myself it wouldn't look like this, but in the chance that it WOULD, I would have ended up looking weird and young. I'm 16 in that picture :P
That's my friend Kiaya, in the back. I love her. She had purple tipped hair and Shirley Temple-esque curls back then.
Bleh, 16. Well, let's be honest. It was a good year. My mom planned a surprise party for me, and it was lovely. I think I cried, actually.
Anyway. I digress. That's all I have to blog about :)