October 30, 2012


I make changes all the time. Usually inner changes, sometimes lifestyle changes..I enjoy change. I like setting goals for myself.

I called my friend Anna tonight. I'm terrible at calling people - like, I'm surprised I still have friends. Anyway, I was thinking today, I'm not sure what about exactly, but I thought to myself, "I haven't talked to Anna in WEEKS. I say that she's my best friend, but I NEVER talk to her. If I want to stay her best friend, I need to make a better effort to talk to her. Same thing with Allix, and anyone else that I love. I'm just lame, and I accept it. However, I made plans to talk to her, flopped when she tryed calling me, and then guess what? I CALLED HER BACK. It's a miracle! I never call people back!

I'm amazed. And then, she and I went on to talk for an hour, and it was great. Because I miss her a lot. And things she said, though she said them conversationally, were things I needed to hear.

If you read my previous post, you'd know that I feel like I'm going to be okay, and that even though life is insane, it'll work out in the end...instead of being the end. Dramatic, I know, but it's the truth. Sometimes it feels endless. Anyhow, this time around, instead of taking "feeling good" as "everything is over" and then being disappointed when things get hard again, I'm of the mindset that, "Yes, things are still hard, and sometimes it'll be a little easier, sometimes it's going to be straight up hell, but I am not a failure. I'm human, I'm growing, and the goal is to learn how to go to the Lord when I feel upset or stressed, not wallow, and feel bad for myself."

Oh, get this. So, I went to a youth group party thing tonight, and I got a little lost, and thankfully, I found the church not long after I got lost, in a torrential downpour.

On the way home, however, When I got into my car it wasn't raining, and by the time I got to the end of the street, it was raining again. Great. And it is REALLY dark. Between clouds and nighttime, it was almost impossible to see. Well, further on down the road, it was not just raining it was POURING sheets and sheets of rain. Literally could not see, and from that point on, I drove the rest of the way at 25mph. No more than 30. I also, at some point, instantly started praying. In tongues. I haven't done that since Bible college. That was a long time ago, in case you're wondering. And literally, that was the only thing keeping me from going OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG the entire ride. I was focused, I pulled over to let people pass me, I stayed safe...and if I hadn't been praying in the Spirit, I know that something bad or almost really, really bad would have happened. I mean, it was scary. I felt fear, and then I just started praying in the Spirit. I didn't think about it, I didn't plan it..it just happened. Which, aside from calming all my fears about the roads, confirmed to me that I'm not making up the language that I speak when I pray in tongues. It was the same as it has been since I paid attention to what what coming out of my mouth.

DEMENTIA IS REALLY CHALLENGING, GUYS. Please, don't ever try to understand okay? That only makes it harder because you just don't understand and it's better for you to just say you're praying for us, and actually do it. I'd say more, but that's enough. Thanks.

Anyway, moving on. Uhhhh, I don't even remember what I was talking about. This post has morphed.

A change that I'm making. Yes. I'm going to make phone calls more often. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to. I'm also going to write Joanna letters more faithfully, lol.

I love my friends. I miss being able to see them everyday. I don't like being a hermit, anymore. I want to get out of my comfort zone.

I'm also going to frequent Haverhill's indie coffee shop more. Yes, you heard it here first. Starbucks has lost it's appeal. I still like their coffee, and they're easier to hang out at because they stay open later than Wicked Big. However, I still want to frequent Wicked Big. Indie coffee houses for the win. Take me to them.

Yes, I'm a hipster at heart, if not in body. I freely admit it. I embrace it. I love mustard yellow, and want to wear straight legged pants. I've grown out of wearing Converse everyday, and want to invest in Keds, flats, and dare I say it? Moccasins. IT'S BIZARRE AND I LOVE IT.

Wow. This post is...just...I don't even know. It's crazy.

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