June 4, 2013

I used to, but not anymore.

Had an interesting confrontation with myself, today. Nothing new, really, just one of those moments when you look at yourself now, and your look at yourself four years ago, consider how you would have done something then as opposed to now, and either shudder or sigh relief at what you've become.

Four years was pretty specific, wasn't it? Anyway. That number will just keep getting bigger, and soon four years will be ten years ago, and I'll be happily married. Or whatever.

Today's case was a sigh of relief. I told my mom yesterday, "I think that [this situation] is the most rational I've had in my entire life."

Because I'm not even treating it like a situation. It's just life. I have the tendency to read into things, and over think things into what they aren't, and never have been.  It's just how I am, and usually (as is true for most, I'm sure,) it never has the best outcomes.

However, now, in the case of say, giving my opinion on something that I actually have very strong opinions about, I no longer give my opinion as law. In the past, I would give "advice" or my "opinion", but with the expectation that whoever I was talking to was going to take it and make it a part of their moral code. I also was more generous with giving my opinion when it wasn't necessarily asked for.

I don't do that anymore. I used to, but not anymore. Unless it's an open conversation where everyone is giving an opinion. That's not weird.

So I used to do that. Now, I've learned the importance of individuality I have accepted that though my personal convictions are right to me, because of where I am in life, because of the lessons I've learned, because of my worldview, I have every right to them. However, though I have the right to express them to others, I don't have the right to force them on people.

Well, I do, technically. It's just not nice. No one likes to be told what to do, unless they're in the mood to learn, and listen.

This is starting to not make sense.

The moral of the story is, I think that casual friends can turn into lovers, but emotionally invested friends cannot. It doesn't give you a chance to find common ground and get along and have fun...you're just both emotional.

Trust me, this makes sense, okay?

My thoughts...when I write them out an omit specifics, it just makes it a train wreck for the general public. Sorry :P Because in my head, I know all the missing links.

Oh well. Stinks to be you.

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