March 26, 2013

It's nice when...

You feel good about your blessings.

You know how when times are rough, and you have to remind yourself that you're blessed, so that you can force yourself to keep perspective? It's an important thing to do, but man is it nice to know you're blessed and FEEL blessed.

We can't live by feelings, but when there's nice feelings...I can't complain.

I was sitting out on the steps, drinking my second cup of coffee (second time sitting on the steps in the sunshine,) and I thought to myself, "Man. I am hugely blessed."

I just FEEL and SEE the blessings these days, and I am so humbled by them. I really, really am. It's a bunch of simple things, and big things, but I am so, so humbled. I mean, I feel like it's too much. Like, the Lord is going overboard, and needs to let me linger in a rut for a while or something.

I've been home for two weeks - two of them. More has happened in two weeks that is life-changing and thrilling than has happened in two years. Things that I have been waiting for, dreaming of, wishing at 11:11 for for TWO really, really long years are actually happening.

I'm not crazy now, and I wasn't crazy then. I knew in my heart of hearts that things like becoming a barista were going to happen.

The secret to having dreams come true is being willing to let go of your dreams if God asks you to, in the midst of holding on to them.

I have a job. Finally. It's not JUST a job, it's my dream job. I have insurance, AND the same doctor that I had before I lost it a few months ago. I'm going to go to college in the fall. These past two years have been a process of going forward. We're always moving forward by the grace of God, but sometimes we have to go forward through things that we wish we could run away from to get to what we're really anticipating. It's ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

Two years of searching, and crying, and waiting, and being angry, and being on a spiritual decline, and having a few ups, but only being able to focus on the downs, and forcing myself to remind myself that God is's like...if you've been following me on my blog for any major length of time, you know that it's been a struggle.

And for now, the struggle is over. There will be new challenges, but for now, it's all good. And I'm stunned by the blessings of God. I literally do not feel worthy, and I almost feel really bad to be like, "OMG GUYS MY LIFE IS AWESOME NOW YAYAYAYAY!!!"

But it just is, and it's because God is faithful, even when I haven't been faithful. It's..just incredible. I mean, the week before I left for Arizona, everything that I thought I had going for me collapsed. Literally. Love, life, and what I thought was a pursuit of happiness just crumbled. The week after I got back from Arizona, everything took a turn. (There's not love yet, but that's okay. I'm content. I told Allix today that if the Lord brings man into my life this week, I won't be able to handle it. I'll probably run away.)

Life feels good these days, and I'm embracing it. It's not always going to be nice, but for now, in my day by day walk, things are rainbows and sunshine. And I'm honored that the Lord would bless me like this.


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