March 18, 2012

Getting where I need to be.

Today was a beautiful day - in every sense of the word! The weather was glorious, I didn't feel like I looked like a bum for church, and God decided to just dump happiness on us all day long (by "us", I mean my parents and me.)

I taught the kids a new song in Sunday School this morning. The verse was John 16:33,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (NIV)

This week was crazy. The past couple days have been particularly horrific in their own way, and I, personally, have just been in a place of feeling completely helpless. Completely unable to defend the honor of those I love. Just..forced to watch from the sidelines and do my best to be a smiling face..when really, I just wanted to kick and yell and curse and ruin the lives of those who have been hurtful more often than is humanly necessary.

Back to the verse. I learned the song a week ago, and it touched my heart then, but today, as I was showing the kids the song, it hit home. I knew it was coming, and even though to warn people, "I might cry." I was not, however, expecting to burst when it got the part where it says "Take heart! I have overcome the world!" I couldn't stop. The encouragement of those words just rang and echoed so loudly in my heart and mind that I became a choked up, sobbing, teary mess, doing this sign language and telling everyone, "I'm fine, really!"

I mean...take heart. I don't know what an equivalent phrase would be. Not relax, or chill out. More like, be at peace. Take heart, I have overcome the world. It's so final. So complete. It doesn't say, "Take heart, I'll get it taken care of soon. Promise." OVERCOME. Done. The world has been completely rendered powerless.

Fantastic. *happy sigh*

Continuing on, I've been in a place of making some decisions about my life. What I want to do, yada yada. Typical out of college talk. Nothing has been made OFFICIAL-official, but today, what I though was going to be a very good church service turned into a game changer in my life. Last night, I went to bed with one plan. I wasn't super duper psyched like, "ZOMG CAN'T WAIT" but I was content. It made sense, it was practical.

However, I do recall saying something to my mom...
"I haven't wanted to do this for so long because it's so typical." (Or something along those lines. I can misquote myself.)

But I was content. Okay, I'll do this. I'm sure it'll be great.

However, today I was confronted with a plan I made three years ago. And thrust into it. And...I like it. It suits me. It's different, it's exciting. It melds everything I want to do in one neat little package. (Except be married, but that's irrelevant.)

Now, I'm faced with prayer. I have two choices. One option is to fill up time in my day, and the other is to live my life. However, the timing of these things is uncanny. I mean, yesterday I declared it. "Yeah, I'm gonna do this." Then today, God was like, "Or are you?" But He doesn't play games like that, so it was more like, "It's your choice, but you should do this instead."

It's a little nerve-wracking.

But I think I will.

(I'll be less vague when I'm more sure of what I'm going to do.)

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like quite a broken, beautiful, amazing season of life. Can't wait to hear more, and praying for you!!!!