November 25, 2012

I don't mind Buble, but I still don't want him on my Sinatra station.

Well! Hello, readers :) Awww, isn't that precious? I just called you readers. It's like I'm really a blogger. Well, I am really a blogger, but you know what I mean. As much as the dramatist would love for my blog to become something that tons of people come and read, it probably won't because I'm not really a big deal. Maybe when I have my coffee shop :)

Anyway, a lot has been going on. Inside my head, and in life, and I haven't blogged in a while, so I figured before I start writing too many long Facebook statuses about all my thoughts, I should just blog :)

I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving. I know I certainly did. It was absolutely my favorite Thanksgiving. It was the first one in four years that I've had with my entire family. It was stress-free, it was fun, and the food was delicious. I love that Auntie Jill and Kate can be here for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, instead of one or the other (although getting Christmas packages in the mail IS very fun.)

Here's a picture of me and my family. My cousins, Beth and Allison, started a photography business and they posed us all really nicely. We all look great!

SO. Thanksgiving was a winner. Loved it. I'm looking forward to Christmas.

The next topic that has been on my mind is running. I've begun to cross the threshold of running a consistent three miles. I went out...two days ago. I left at 3 pm, and figured that I'd be out for probably 45 minutes. I didn't decide to shoot for three miles until I started my run, and as I finished, I figured I should head back to get my water bottle before my workout at 4. I walk in, check the clock, and it says that it's 3:30! What the what?? I ran three miles in thirty minutes! I am still amazed with myself.

Seriously, I was never, ever a runner. I never thought that I would be. I thought that I would just walk, always. But I always WANTED to be a runner. I was just too embarrassed to let people hear my huffing and puffing, and I thought that would all be judging me for being a fat kid trying to run.

I don't know when my mindset changed, but I came to the point where I figured, "This is where I'm at with my fitness. I can get better, the more I do it. I am who I am, and I can't hide it. I can only change it, and if I listen to music, I can tune out the world and my thoughts about the word." When I first started, I could only run about half a mile, and then walk the rest. Then I could barely do a mile. Then I could do 1.5 and then two. And then I could really do 2 miles. When I started, I still thought about what people thought of me, but now I just go. This last time I went, my iPod was dead, so I ran without music. One lady who was walking, smiled at me and said, "Good job!" It was odd, but really nice at the same time.

I love knowing that I can do this. I love that I don't care what people think anymore. I love that I'm not as consumed with my image as I have been for YEARS. I mean, journals. I went through a bunch of old journals yesterday. My journal from high school, all I talked about, literally, was boys and losing weight, and wanting to become really good at straightening my hair. I hated myself. I had such terrible self-image.

In my college journals, all I talked about was making health/fitness plans and goals, and figuring out who my future husband was. Only I wrote prayers to God about it all, thinking that by doing that, it would make some miracle happen and I'd become skinny right away, and fall in love right away.

(For kicks, my journal from when I was 9-14ish, all I wrote about was hot celebrities and the boy I had a huge crush on from church, and concerts. HA. It was hilarious.)

I'm so, so, thankful that I'm not that way, anymore. I'm the same girl, but with a much healthier attitude about it all. I still want to lose weight, but not so I can attract some guy. I want to just live a healthy lifestyle. It's not even a matter of feeling comfortable in my own skin. I am! Finally, for the first time in my life!

I still want to get married, but words can't even describe how NOT like my old self I am, now. I don't even know how to describe it. If you knew me at all, you'll just have to trust me. Sometimes it seems like I'm still the same, but I'm really not. If anything, I'm usually joking around and playing the desperate game.

It's like Pastor Teresa told us last year. It was the "Year of Freedom," and she said that freedom wasn't just there, but it's the rest of the year. It goes beyond just the class of 2011. Maybe that's what's happening, if I can be allowed to sound weirdly spiritual. That I'm just becoming free from my "bondage of insecurity." It's nice, because I don't know how free I really felt at the end of my third year. I think I might have hyped myself into it. I don't know, anymore. I hardly remember anything :P That's a lie. I remember a lot.

Well. Let's see. I know I've been talking about myself a lot, but's my blog. That's kind of the point.

I'm excited for Christmastime for the first time in a long time. My Aunt Jill puts up a Christmas Village every year, and this year, she's given me some things to start my own - I'm really excited about putting it up. I love designing things and creating stuff like that :)

I'm also looking forward to snow. Didn't care last year, but this year I'm happy about it. I blame Evan, the bank teller. Every time I go cash a check, he and I talk about how cold it's getting, and he says how he is totally ready for winter and snow. I think I've been swayed by his passion for being cold, haha.

Hmmm. I think that's about it. I feel good, these days. I feel hopeful, in spite of life, and times when things are more than just challenging. I don't hate my life, anymore. I don't hate living in my house. I'm content. I'm trusting the Lord again.

It's really nice.

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