October 20, 2013

"When I look at the stars, I feel like myself."

Life is what it is, am I right? At this point, I sort of barely know what's going on. I don't feel aimless, or hopeless. I don't feel worried. Everything just feels...right. It's like standing out in the middle of a field in the fall. It's perfectly silent. Distant rustles of grass and leaves, but nothing disturbs you. You can just stand there, and enjoy the peace. That's how I feel right now. I've done that, too. Perhaps even more peaceful is standing in the middle of said field, at night, staring at the stars. The latter of the two scenarios is probably my favorite. I love looking at the stars. Everything seems possible when you look at the stars.

The past couple weeks have been fascinating. Experiences that I never imagined having, that have had their drawbacks, because consequences is too harsh of a word. My best friend Allix got married last weekend. I went down to Maryland for a few days, and stayed with her and her fiance, and their sweetie-faced puppy. I swear I'm becoming more of a dog person as the weeks go by. From a distance, though. Between allergies, and how high-maintenance they are, I'm more inclined to appreciate, but not commit.

The wedding went so well. We prayed that God would hold back the rain (constant drizzles or downpours the entire week!) Prayers answered. It rained before the ceremony during final setting up, but by the time 4 pm rolled around, the skies dried up, some blue sky and sunshine even peaked through during the receiving line! It didn't start raining until the end of the dancing, which was really quite perfect. Dancing and jumping around in the rain in a fancy dress is great experience. Speaking of dancing, this is the second wedding I've danced at. Despite how terrible I am. I usually join in for just big group dances...classic wedding stuff, but still. The Cupid Shuffle counts. Plus, it's fun.

I'm getting a car, soon! Hopefully by the end of this month, or the beginning of next. I'm so thankful, and excited. I need a car like whoa. I'm not sure what to name it. I'll have to think it out.

Went to church this morning, and for the first time in many weeks, I actually felt normal. I didn't feel like I was putting on any kind of face, or that the people around me didn't think about my existence. I felt like I could belong. Which is really nice. It got a little weird when some Zion alumni (one of them is a co-worker) talked about how I should go to Zion to finish my degree or..something. I had no other option (aside from lying) but to tell them that I thought about it, and even tried out Zion Experience, but that the school freaks me out. I couldn't make it through the first night. I felt so uncomfortable on campus. Strange but true.

Currently not caring about being single. That'll change by the next post, though. Don't worry, guys.

Oh! So remember how I want to have my own coffee shop one day? Well, for whatever reason, I was thinking about it, and about how I didn't want it to be that thing that I talk about but never start pursuing. There's a space available in my town, in a great spot, and ultimately, it's pretty affordable. If I wanted to be crazy, I could rent it with my income, and still pay my basic bills. Just live off of my tips.

I wrote whomever about seeing the space. I said that I was curious about it, and made it clear that I'm not familiar with any of this, but figured I would ask. We'll see what happens. I just felt like I had to take some kind of initiative. I know that the smart thing to do is take business classes, ideally go to the American Barista & Coffee School, but at least it's a step in the right direction. I dunno. This is just how I do things. I make spontaneous decisions sometimes, and if it freaks me out, I wiggle my way out.

I'm actually pretty excited.

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