October 9, 2014

The urge

I had the urge to write publicly. So...here I am. I've been writing in a journal more often, mostly because there are too many random little things happening in my life that I can't share publicly...or, I could, and I just feel like it's none of y'all's business. That's a funny thing to say, especially for me to say, but hey - be proud of me! I'm learning boundaries, and I'm learning to to not be so vague (or not so vague.)

I just finished watching the move "Mona Lisa Smile," and I really loved it. I've seen a small collection of Julia Roberts' movies, and I've really enjoyed all of them. She is a really great actress. I feel that I've been able to relate to a lot of her characters, or at least the essence of them.

Her character in this movie, Katherine Watson, is wonderful, I think. I want to be that person to people. I want to challenge their norms, and inspire people.

I feel romantic. I'm in an air of romance, that isn't necessarily ROMANTIC, in the human love sense. It's my dimly lit room, me tapping away, listening to Corinne Bailey Rae, Vincent purring at the end of my bed.

You're jealous, now, aren't you? Well...I fell asleep in my work clothes, so don't be too jealous.

I was home alone for a couple of weeks. My dad is back for a little while, now, but I had a great time.

I cooked, I cleaned, I stayed up too late, I even went out on what I have determined was my first date. I also went apple picking for the first time! Twice! Both times were quite enjoyable, but I still have a ton of apples to utilize. :|

Pottery classes! I'm starting pottery classes this month, and I'm so excited about it! I took a pottery class a long time ago, and I've had fond memories of it ever since. I love getting my hands dirty, and pottery is awesome because you can create, and start over, and create, and change...all with one blob of clay.

So, I'm very much looking forward to that. It's a good life that I lead. Work seems to maybe be getting better, or I've reached a point of being so exhausted by it that I've just begun to not care anymore.

I just want to be happy, and I like my job. I like my coworkers, I like what I do, I like our regulars. That's something that I love about working in the mornings, now - Half the day is filled with regulars, and it's snap to just get their orders ready, and just have a nice time. Summer was so hard. I feel like we're almost kinda out of the woods, though...I dunno. I'm an eternal optimist who becomes easily negative when things are too hard...but I bounce back.

I have an email to write to my DM. I feel like a flake, but it's really just because I'm emotional and make decisions in the heat of the moment. Bleh. I just want things to be over, smoothed over, done...Let's be happy again. Stop the gossip, stop the judgments...I didn't want things to get ugly. I blame myself for everything, even if it's not my fault.

I'm gonna stop before this gets to rambly...But the fact is, I care about each of my coworkers, whether they believe it or not. I'm human just like everyone else, but I'm trying really hard to be Little Miss Sunshine. I like being Little Miss Sunshine to people.


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