July 5, 2014


So, I don't believe that any relationship between men and women can be platonic. There is always some form of chemistry or sexual tension at some point. It usually doesn't develop, and it doesn't always last for a period of time. Because of this, and my tendency to be a romantic, I've pretty much barred off the idea that I could be in a one-on-one situation with a man and be able to not make it something that it isn't. This doesn't really make a lot of sense here, but I have a lot going on in my mind.

I like men. I enjoy their company, and I like listening to them talk. They're people. I had a mindset for a long time that if you liked the same thing that a guy liked, or went to the same places, it gave off the implication that you HAD to be interested in him, or have a crush on him. Talk to him for any length of time, and it meant something. But why? It's like an entire decade of my life was spoiled by the constant wondering, and cautioning of my self and others. Don't be a certain way, he'll think you like him, and obviously he wouldn't be interested in you, so stop it. Or, don't go there because he probably goes there and you don't want him to know that you have feelings for him because existing in the same city as a man means that you want to marry him.

I'm probably just late to the game. Men and women hang out all the time, right? Depending on who they are, they have casual sex, but that doesn't have to be a requirement on hanging out, right? Or am I just that naive? Possible.

Anyway. I'm thinking about friendship with men. Hanging out with men is nice. Like I said, I enjoy their company. I wish I had more of it. I wish I had the confidence to request it. But I don't. And I probably won't. But we're all people, right? People needs relationships with other people, and they don't have to end up being romantic.

I know that there have been people who have tried to tell me this for a long time, and I've shut them down with an adamant, "Men and women cannot be friends! And I will not have a casual friendship with a man like that because what if someday I get married?"

Okay...? Maybe this is changing because I partially doubt that marriage is in my future, and I figure that if a man doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with me, couldn't we at least go to the movies or something? Whether you think I have a crush on your or not. I'm not the same that I used to be. I'm way better at not NEEDING a man. I don't need one. But having them around isn't bad, right?

This makes it sound like I want some kind of man-friendship-brothel.

But if you know me at all you must be able to understand what I'm saying about myself. Anyway.Whatever.

The point is, I don't want of be that kid of person who is obsessed with the romantic aspect of things. It's dumb. I want to be a little less "no, I can\t talk to this male person because i'll convince myself that I'm going to have feelings for him because that's all men and women can do."


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