Pretty sure I'm addicted to caffeine at this point. My head is pounding. Last week was weird. It went by really quickly, and I did a lot of stupid things. You know how sometimes you do something dumb, and then you just keep on a roll for the next few days, doing more stupid things, and you judge yourself, and you sincerely believe that other people are judging you, and then you hate yourself, and then at some point you stop cringing at every thought about all the dumb things you couldn't stop doing and decide to push it all behind you and live like it didn't happen?
I'm trying to get into that last stage, but it's hard. I'm really just kinda stuck here. I'm a moron, and everyone knows it, and everything thinks I'm weird. I mean, a part of me sincerely doesn't care if people think I'm weird, but let's be real - no one wants it to be known that we're idiots.
My head really hurts.
But unfortunately, in life, there are people that you subconsciously really want to impress, and when you do dumb things that EVERYONE knows about - because I'm shameless and put my life on Facebook - it's like, "Well. I'm sure you thought I was quirky before this happened, but now you see that I have the maturity of a twelve year old."
Super. So here I am, blogging out my insecurities, hoping that soon I'll believe that I can move on, and no one will talk about my stupidity, and things can go back to normal, and I can be a grown up again.
I'm also really insecure about my lack of love life right now, but that was expected, and I won't bore you with it again.
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Uhg. I HATE BEING IN A FUNK LIKE THIS. I hate caring about what people think, I hate having stupid crushes on people just out of boredom, I hate that I'm so full of myself that I'm down on myself so much, I hate it. It's pathetic. It doesn't do anything for anyone, and it just rings me back twenty steps into adolescence instead of steps towards mature adulthood. What the heck is wrong with me?
Huhhh. Oh well. Cest la vie.