December 31, 2014

2015 sounds weird.

Somehow, 2015 is the year that my brain didn't really think ahead to. 2014...okay, sure. That'll be a thing. 2015 is just kinda weird. Like a "Oh yeah, by the way," sort of reminder that life goes on, and January comes around again every 365 days.

It's been a really good year. Mostly good, with new experiences, and also some introductions to my dark corners. We'll see how that goes.

I didn't think that by the end of this year, I would not be working for Starbucks. Nor did I think that I would have another job lined up. I was pretty sure that I'd still be unemployed by the time January was done. I didn't think that I would be in the middle of the journey to opening my first coffee shop (a journey that has been put on hold simply because even though I'm not really doing anything for the holidays, I'm broke and busy.)

This month alone has been sort of a whirlwind. It doesn't feel like tomorrow is January. It still feels like there's two weeks left of the month. Not so.

I wrote a list of goals for myself on Facebook. They are mostly inspired by the person that I was this year. I was consumed with work - literally consumed, and it drove me almost out of my mind. I hardly did anything to enrich my life, or the lives of others.

I want to be different in the new year. I want to love others. I love the people in my life a LOT. They mean the world to me, and I have expressed this generally, but not really personally. It feels good to hear someone tell you how much you mean to them sometimes...and specifically you. Not just that in this crowd of people someone knows, all of them mean something to them. That's nice, but ya know.

I need to give of myself more, for no gain. I used to volunteer a lot. I was raised to be a volunteer. My parents are in ministry - that's basically full-time volunteer work. Things need to get done, and people are needed to get stuff done. I want to be a part of that, and help more.

I need to be more creative. I had a conversation not too long ago with a friend from work, and I basically told him that I was afraid of being wrong when it came to being creative. Which, I said, is completely ridiculous because there aren't any wrong answers! I know this - but I don't act on it. I like to draw. I like to act. I like to write. Do I like writing stories? No..because I'm not good at it. So what? Who cares? I'm not trying to get published. I'm not trying to get on Broadway. I just want to enjoy my life.

I also want to read more - I have so many books. I am blessed with books, and yet I have barely read even a quarter of a fraction of them! There are classics sitting on my shelves, unread. It's a crime! And I keep buying books - what even am I doing?? I'm going to be drowned in books that I've never read. It's legitimately a crime. So, here's to hoping I can reed one book a week. It's not impossible, right?

-heavy sigh- A new year. I feel tired after this year. I'm usually pretty amped about fresh starts, and such, but this year...I just feel tired.  I hope next year is nice. I hope that long-held dreams come true. For me, and for others.

I hope that I grow closer to God this year. That I actively seek Him, and that it becomes second nature to me.

Happy New Year. Enjoy your celebrations. Be safe. Love one another. Look forward to the new year with hope and anticipation.

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