I'm sleepy.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning to the first scrape of our neighbor's shovel. My dad's back is down for the count, and I had a 9:30 interview, so I was strangely energized to get outside and shovel like a boss. I was determined to get to that interview - rain, snow, sleet, hail, tornado, anything. Because the reality is, if I can't make it to an interview in the snow, I can't go to work in the snow. I'm an unemployed New Englander - how can I deserve a job if I can't handle our crazy weather? She gave me a couple of chances to reschedule, but all I knew was, "No. I am going to be there. I will be in that interview." And, I told her that when we got started, making initial chit-chat about the weather and roads, etc.

So, I had an interview at Starbucks, today. Now, I know someone working at this particular store, and she's told me multiple times that I should try applying there. I had applied once, and never heard anything. Then, last week, on the day that I got home, she messaged me saying that her store is hiring and I should apply. So, okay. I put in an application that night, and I followed up a few days later. I scored an interview, great.

Now, I'm not sure how to say this without sounding weird, but between scheduling my interview, and having my interview, there was a lot of "Well, I'm not going to get my hopes up, I'm just going to do it and trust the Lord for His will." There was a lot of committing my will to His will, and just trusting Him. I was at The Loop yesterday, and in January I had put in an application to Claire's. A part of me said, "Well, maybe you should follow up with your application there, just in case." Then another part said, "Just give the interview a chance." I have also always had this belief, though I haven't been very verbal about it, that if I were ever to get a job (at Starbucks or otherwise,) I would be offered the job on the spot. They wouldn't have to think about it, and they wouldn't have to "talk to other applicants," or anything. They would just believe that I could do the job and hire me. Because, let's be honest, very frequently the phrase "I'll call you in about a week" means "Haha, sucker, you are lame and I hate you." Okay, not exactly that, but that's what it feels like.

Anyway. The interview. The morning was stressful and we left later than I wanted, so I was convinced that I would be late. I even called her to say that I would be about fifteen minutes late.

I walked through the doors at exactly 9:30. My dad is a snow beast. And, God is good.

Then, I got my complimentary interviewee coffee (grande Americano, because of reasons.) I sat at a table and waited. She came over, we shook hands, and the interview was a breeze. I have never felt so comfortable in an interview. I didn't feel the awkward need to prove myself to her, or try and force answers to questions that I simply couldn't answer. There weren't really a lot of questions.

She told me about the job, the dress code, the pay, the benefits. She told me more than I've ever been told in an interview.

Now, I do have to say I wasn't sure what to wear. I googled "what to wear when you interview at Starbucks." I know. In the article I read it gave tips on what to ask when they say, "Do you have any questions for me?" I NEVER do. I'm always like, "Mmmm, nope." But, I asked a couple that the article suggested, like about the dress code and how she got into the company.

It was really great. At one point, I realized that we had been talking a long time, and she didn't seem to be giving me signals that she wanted to end this interview now, or anything. The whole thing lasted about 45 minutes. Longer than any other interview I've done, ever.

And, it ended with the words that I could not believe I was hearing.

I don't want to say it was EXACTLY this, but it really was, essentially, "I don't normally do this, I usually wait a few days to call, but I would like to offer you the position."

WHAT? Nuh-uh. WHAT? I was shocked. I was completely blown away. Obviously, in a more retrained manner, I said HECK YES I WILL TAKE THE POSITION. I could not stop smiling. I could not stop thanking her. She said that she's had experiences when she really likes someone, and she'll call them but they don't call back. So, she pretty much is starting to just offer the job when she likes someone. SHE LIKES ME. SHE WANTS ME TO WORK FOR HER. DJFKJFLKSJFDIOARJDOPJG.

I did tell her that if she had called me instead, I would have most definitely called her back.

We shook hands, I went to the car, told dad that I got the job, and we both started crying.

It's really exciting. It's beyond really exciting.

And now, I'm really, really sleepy.

But, I mean, this is so validating. It validates my faith, it validates my not wanting to go get just any job, it validates applying six freaking times to a company that kept rejecting me. It validates those three failed interviews. It validates my decision to stay home instead of going to Tennessee or Colorado. It makes me believe that maybe my dream of having my own coffee shop one day isn't strictly a dream. It means that I'm not crazy when I know (and have known!) that all I've wanted to do is make coffee for people.

I remember being at the Prison one day, not long after I had gotten home from college. The man who was volunteering with dad asked me, "So, what do you want to do with yourself?" I said that I wanted to make coffee for people. I don't remember the exact words he said to me, but the message was, "Well, that's nice, but what do you REALLY want to do?"

For a long time I felt like maybe I should want something more than "just" to be a barista. Then, one day I was browsing the coffee internets, and I discovered the Barista Guild of America. And, the Specialty Coffee Association of America. I realized - we all have our own passion. It doesn't matter what it is.

Each individual passion that people pursue is what makes the world go round. Not me getting a "proper career." My goal with finding a job was to do what I loved. I didn't want to be stuck with a job I hated. I love coffee. I want to learn everything I can about it. I want to be the best that I can possibly be in the coffee world.

And, I became confident about my passion. Getting this job is IT for me. Aside from having my own place, this is my dream gig. There is nothing bigger or better than this for me.

God gives us the desires of our hearts. We walk through doors that we think are open, we take steps of faith, even if we're not sure it's really His will, and He eventually leads us to what He wants for us. It takes time, and sometimes is incredibly hard, but He really does want the best for us. He gives us the desires of our heart.

And, I told the Lord that I wanted His desire for me to be MY desire for me. If I was wrong about wanting to be in the coffee world, then I wanted Him to change my mind. I was open to that. But, I also told Him that I needed a job. I was really straightforward about that two weeks ago.

So, here I am, home from Arizona for a week, and employed. At my dream job. God rewards obedience. Going to Arizona was being obedient. In the back of my mind, I knew that if I didn't go I was just going to make things harder for myself. I knew that God had something waiting for me at the end of that finish line.

He is good. You can trust Him. Just obey, and wait. It's okay to wait for the best - in work or anything. Be obedient in the things that He gives you to do along the way, and then He will give you the desires of your heart.

Still can't believe it.

WARNING: Man Rant Ahead

If it just so happens that my thoughts make no sense, well, sense is irrelevant, so haters gonna hate.


You know what's funny about rejection? Allowing yourself to embrace the rejection makes life a whole lot better. You'd think that holding onto "possibilities" would make you more optimistic, but the reality is no.

Seriously. In church yesterday, the message was about I Am the Vine. One of the segments was about branches needing to be pruned, otherwise the dead leaves will put toxins into the life flow and start killing the whole plant.

This is obviously a spiritual lesson about us, Christ, and the things Christ needs to work out in us to make us more like Him, but it can apply to this, as I think about my own experience.

It's like a smaller scale version of the branches with leaves. Take..say, flowers sharing a stem.

Stems provide a sharing of nutrients between flowers. It's nice, and they grow, and they bloom, and they work well together. They look beautiful, and it's just a nice thing to look at.

But then something happens. And one of the flowers starts to wither. If you don't trim that thing off, the other flower is going to die, too, and it's going to be one ugly stick. But sometimes you think, well, if I change the water - then they'll be fine. Or, if I change the vase, they'll have more room. No.

You have to get rid of the dying flower. And then things start to get better.

Trying to keep what is clearly no good for you will only make things worse. Especially in failed romance. Women deserve a man who is passionate about them, and we make this dumb decision to keep holding out for the people who like us just fine, want the best for us, they guess, but really just use us to make them feel better on a grey day. I'm talking about romantic relationships or friendships.

And maybe playing the power card is tacky, but I don't care. I don't like to be patronized in my garden of life. I make decisions, and I have hopes and dreams, and I can handle disappointments like a grown up woman, thank you.

Women aren't made to be uncommitted safety blankets. We're made to be partners and helpmeets. We're made to be respected and treasured. Not tripped up by your dumb man ego.

So, now, as I've had a few weeks of being emotionally pruned, as it were, I've noticed a significant increase in awesomeness. I couldn't really describe it for you, but like I told Priscilla, I don't care to go back. I'm happy, and I'm living my life, and that works for me.

I also have my girlfriends, who I love, and someday, some man, friend or lover, will enter the picture and be just dandy. And I won't make the same foolish choices that I did before.

Because the people that cross our paths are learning experiences, in the end. And if we're smart, we'll learn the lesson all the way.

More chit chat about Arizona, and nonsensical things.

I like the word nonsensical. Also, nonsense. Also, off-kilter.

So, I went to Arizona one time. About a day or two before I left, I remembered that Anberlin would be playing in Arizona while I was there. Tempe, in fact. Looked up how far away it was (about 45 minutes), and it was unanimous among myself and my parents that I should definitely go see them.

So I did. And it was magical. One, getting there early enough to be in the first 40 people in line is something that will spoil you forever. I mean, you KNOW you're going to have a good spot. And I think that for the most part, I did. I wasn't around the weirdies who are like, "LOL I KNOW I'M NOT ALLOWED TO MOSH BUT I'M GONNA TRY ANYWAY LOL." It wasn't with the weird teenagers who want to be as close to the stage as possible, but want to not be in the way at the same time (I can judge them, because I used to be one of them.)

But I was off to the side a bit, next to the line of movement when bands were coming and going. It was really neat. The only downside to where I was was the draw of photographers. I respect them, but they're annoying.

Anyway. It was a fantastic show. Absolutely incredible. I wish I could see them when they come to Boston, but I'm dead broke. But I did get to see them. And it was amazing. That show convinced me to try and commit to seeing them whenever they're around. It's just worth it to experience great music live.

That was the greatest thing.

That's all. My brain has blanked out.